My Story

• 27 July, 2026
• Abuse
• NSFW

It's been a while, and I think I'm finally ready to talk about everything that's been happening with me. I appreciate everyone's patience and support, in the past and in the future. Topics will be heavy, so please take come caution reading.

THE PAST 2 YEARS

Between Febuary 19th 2024 and March 11 2026, I was in a relationship with a partner that turned abusive. I was the one who confessed. We had grown close after knowing each other for years and decided we really liked each other. At the time, I was kicked out of a lot of projects due to internal reasons that have now been resolved, and I was in a severe depression from being kicked out of college. For the first six months, it was a pretty stable relationship. We didn't argue, we didn't get frustrated with one another, and we occasionally called privately... it was the honeymoon phase. Once I got a job and also began to get re-invited to the projects I was kicked out of due to resolving internafl issues, I began to feel happier again. The relationship began to turn for the worse. When something upset me and I told them, they would feel tremendously guilty and I would console them. These very quickly turned into impromptu therapy sessions, which led me to asking them to get therapy. They told me they would, only upon me returning to therapy myself. I instantly made the plans, and they kept putting their own therapy plans off. They cited insurance and financial issues, but their country of residence to my knowledge would cover it. Despite this, nothing was done for months on their end and things continued to get worse.

I made it clear from the beginning that while I did love them, I struggled with one-on-one calls. I explained that it is nothing to do with "not loving them enough," but rather me feeling awkward and feeling pressure to keep up a conversation. They tried to get me to relax by saying it'll just be us, that we don't have to have a conversation, that they just want to be in a call with me. I still felt uneasy about it, because I have many times where when I work on something, I need total silence. In my house with my loud family, that is hard to come by. They understood... and then repeatedly asked for one-on-one calls. Every time I'd remind them of my boundaries, and they would say, "right," only to further insist by saying we never spend time together. I was constantly confused by this, as we were constantly spending time together, just in public spaces such as our friend groups. It's where I always feel the most comfortable at, with multiple people, because as I've explained to them, I like to "people-watch," where I just watch my friends do things together and interact. It gives me joy. I often felt pressured to do one-on-one calls with my ex-partner. This also extended to "sleep calls," where we would be in a call as we fall asleep. They said they wanted these to simulate falling asleep in a bed together, to simulate closeness. Truth be told, I never got behind these. I tried it out, but... I felt so massively uncomfortable. I was always paranoid of waking them up due to my bladder frequency issue, and their snoring kept me up. My mobile phone did not allow me to mute the audio without deafening, to which I feared my ex-partner would be upset about if I chose to deafen.

I have a server for very close friends of mine. It's went through many, many iterations, but at this current point in time it was active. My ex-partner expressed wanting to make their own, and I offered happily to help. At this time, they were constantly venting about feeling lonely in my server, to which I felt responsible for due to not wanting to participate in one-on-one calls all the time. I also didn't participate in them as much as they would have liked due to my family issues, which I will touch on in another post later. To summarize that for now, my stepfather's verbal abuse often came out of nowhere towards my mother and I would have to leave the call in order to calm down. Regardless, I offered my support and expressed interest in helping them set up their friend server. We worked together to create a space that was ROBLOX-themed, due to their current game hyperfixation that was Something Evil Will Happen (SEWH). They invited many friends from my own server, and a few from projects we worked on. I wasn't aware of this until after our relationship ended, but they were advertising their server as a space to specifically organize play sessions for SEWH. A few months later, my ex-partner turned the server explicitly into a friend server and invited more of our friends. Soon, not only did activity in projects they pulled from became inactive, but... so did my own friend server. Nobody talked there anymore. I chalked this up to me being a bad server owner.

In their friend server, they vented constantly about feeling unloved and lonely in the vent channel. This would always come after I say I cannot do a private, one-on-one call. It brought a lot of guilt onto me and often times, I would have to come in and explain myself: that just because I was busy doesn't mean I don't love them, or that I'm sorry that my stepfather is being cruel that day. What hurt the most was them constantly saying they felt unloved. Upon me entering the conversation, they would immediately say it was because of their in-person friends that they felt unloved. I don't doubt this was a factor, as they rarely got to spend time with them and their friends consistently would be conveniently "too busy" to hang out with them. However, the timing led me to believe this feeling was triggered by me, consistently. It made me feel horrible.

I tried to break up with them. Three times in total, with the third being successful. The first time was a bit before a nasty argument. I'm a little hazy on the details, but I remember that me expressing we should break up led to them becoming suicidal. I felt incredibly trapped. This later led to the aformentioned nasty argument, which made me feel like a terrible partner; they told me they felt neglected, unloved, and that we never spent time together. I tried to express that we spent less time together because I finally have a life again: a job, projects. They said they understood, but every time I joined another project, they expressed how they were worried we would spend less time together. I invited them to spaces I was invited to in order to remedy this, including bringing them onto other projects with me, but this was not enough for them. writing a suicide note and leaving it not only in my server, but in a few other spaces as well. In it, I apologized for being a terrible partner and planned to kill myself that night. I had previously given my ex-partner my phone number, and so they contacted me to try and keep me talking to prevent any action. In this, however, they expressed to me they were worried about how the suicide note made them look. They were frustrated with me more than worried, and it made me even more suicidal. Only upon me expressing that, did they tell me they regret those words and shifted to worrying about my safety. I never forgot that moment. They offered to really break up there, but seeing this brief moment of turnaround, I gave them another chance. I regret it. A very overt pattern through my attempts to separate was that they would immediately feel suicidal. They acknowledged that this would make me feel trapped, but say they didn't know how else to feel and wanted to do everything in their power to keep me. It made me feel like an object, something to obtain.

After the first attempt, they became more obsessive. They stopped participating in group calls and would often claim they got overwhelmed easily despite being the loudest and most dominant voice, insisting on one-on-one calls. I'm not sure how I managed this, but I convinced them to at least have a little cool-down space in their server for at least 4 people. This would lead to smaller calls, but I felt more comfortable and safe. This later was widdled down to 3, and I felt more uncomfortable. Often times, they would break this limit of 3 or 4 people, and drag others into the call with them when I was not around. I felt very isolated. I stopped calling in places in general, because every time I joined a call in any server, they would message me asking when we can hang out. This even extended to project-related calls, where me and a friend were working on an outline and draft for an online webtoon series. My ex-partner joined, muted, and messaged me privately asking when we can hang out. They admitted that they only joined to get my attention specifically. I felt... really weirded out by that, but I ignored it in favor of returning to work on the project after they left. Another incident that sticks with me was a friend group hosting a VRChat session, and when this came up, my ex-partner and I were in a private call together. I expressed interest in joining, and they immediately became pouty. They said we never hung out together anymore, despite us previously having a call that lasted 6 hours the previous week or two. I tried to bargain, saying I would only go for a little bit, and they pouted. I offered for them to come along, and they refused. Ultimately, I broke down. This was in February, after my cat, Trixie, passed. I wondered if I was being neglectful again by trying to busy myself with spending time with friends and working on projects more. I felt horrible. I later told them how I didn't appreciate that them guilting me out of spending time with friends, but this led to a nasty argument over how I described their upset as "pouting." This was when I realized any time I confronted them about behavior that hurt me, they would always say "I'm sorry I made you feel that way." I asked why it was so hard to apologize for the actions they took, and they blew up at me. It didn't end on a good note.

The third attempt, the successful one, was when we joined a private Pizza Tower hangout server. I previously knew of and admired someone that was in the server, and upon talking to them I realized how much we have in common, one of which was roleplaying. Previously, my ex-partner and I had roleplayed with friends, but upon isolating me I only had access to one-on-one roleplays. Then, they stopped. Anytime I asked to roleplay, they said they weren't in the mood and wanted to play a game instead. I asked for 6 months, and afterward I had given up. Seeing my friend have the same interest as me, we both expressed a desire to roleplay together. My ex-partner saw this, and suddenly insisted they wanted to roleplay again too. I felt... very, very uncomfortable. I privately expressed to them that I was no longer comfortable roleplaying with them after being brushed off for so long, but they justified it by saying "this was the push [they] needed." I asked if jealousy was a factor, and they confirmed. I felt disgusted and expressed that this made me feel like an object, and expressed that I was not comfortable with roleplaying with them if jealousy was ANY factor in it. This led to a very large, nasty argument, but it ended with me given the hope that they understood my boundary and would give me space. I tried to set up a roleplay with my friend, only to... see my ex-partner express wanting in. Both my friend and ex-partner wanted the role of The Noise, but my friend expressed interest in the role first. Not only that, but I felt more comfortable with them. My ex-partner tried to make a case for themselves, which I interpreted as making a joke, but they insisted they weren't. I broke down, cancelled the roleplay, and felt sick. I apologized to my friend and explained that I wasn't upset with them at all, fearing losing someone I already came to realize I liked a lot. They expressed to me they were deeply worried about making me uncomfortable and was glad they didn't seem to be the cause of it. This very moment was when I realized, this relationship with my ex-partner cannot continue anymore. I broke up with my ex-partner later that week.

Initially, they insisted they were suicidal over it. They wanted to do anything in their power to win me back. However, the nature of this break-up was somewhat public; they posted about it on their Bluesky account, which caused many people to message me worried. Not only that, but I had unfriended and blocked them due to my deep upset with them. In a friend server, I entered a space-appropriate channel and pinged them with screenshots, asking to please not make this a public issue. They apologized, and deleted them. This time, I had multiple friends witness their behavior. One of them tried to mediate and stand up for me, to which I am eternally grateful for. Eventually, things calmed to a point where I didn't think they would be a danger to themselves. I expressed interest in staying friends, but I needed space. I left the door open for us to potentially get back in the future, but in the very back of my head... I felt relieved to be free again. Unfortunately, they cut me off a few days later, which absolutely devestated me. I felt like I did something terribly wrong, that I should never have broken up with them. In our messages, they confirmed to me they were obsessed with me, but also cited many old problems with me as why they're cutting me off, situations I either didn't know genuinely upset them (and have a deep trauma regarding not being told things), or situations I honestly believed were addressed and I already apologized for. I felt suicidal about this, but didn't plan for anything. I was distraught.

This caused me to re-think many moments in our relationship. I am asexual with a single kink, and I try to be as private about it as possible. My ex-partner was hypersexual, and I understood this was not something one can easily change about themselves as someone who also used to be hypersexual. However, sharing my kink with them led to them becoming interested in it. Initially I was excited, but... they later sent nudes of themselves to me. I wasn't sure how to feel about this, so I entertained it, but I eventually expressed I wasn't into "irl stuff anymore." They apologized, but... sent more, anyway. Most of our messages was either them begging to spend time with me, or them trying to get me to speak horny talk with them about themselves. I felt really used, and my boundaries already felt consistently crossed. One could argue it was my fault for not setting the boundary so firm in the first place, which I agree. But after I did set it, it was repeatedly stepped on, over and over. I gave up trying to enforce it. I even remember expressing the desire for top surgery to remove my DD-cup breasts, and they expressed sadness in it. So, imagine my surprise when I learned that in spaces I became inactive in or left to get away from them, they sexually harassed two people. They offered pictures of themselves, but not of their face. I had one of the victims tell me this, and I was... initially shocked, but later realized this was in-character. I was no longer the lightning rod of abuse that I became, and they seeked to find another outlet. I felt disgusted. I informed friends of their behavior, not to kick them out but to keep friends of theirs informed. My ex-partner then deleted all of their nudes they sent to me, which while I cannot blame them for... is suspicious, as they consistently claimed I had "no proof." One of my friends confronted them on their sexual harassment to which they admitted to only after being shown proof. Later, they denied it to another friend, saying how horrible it is that we would accuse "REAL sexual assault victims" of perpetuating similar acts.

I would like to remind everyone I was also groomed and violated sexually. What consitutes a "real" victim of sexual violence?

Their behavior didn't stop as sexual harassment, but they flirted with anyone with a feminine voice as well. Specifically, AFAB feminine voices. This was also when I learned they flirted with my best friend during our relationship. A big contention between my ex-partner and I was that I was polyamorous, they were strictly monogamous and asked that I also be. They had trauma relating to cheating, to which I understood and offered to express any crush I did have to them and insisted I would never act without talking to them. They did not like this, and was a common point of our fighting. Despite this, they were actively flirting with my best friend. My friend thought I knew, which is why it took so long for me to find out. Both of us were disgusted. Many people I talked to affirmed to me that my ex-partner, after our break up, flirted with them, was sexual around them, and consistently bragged about "copping a feel" with a woman. For those who don't know, it means touching someone sexually without consent. They claimed they didn't know what it meant and picked it up from Chainsaw Man. I have my doubts on this claim personally, as they previously claimed the protagonist, who is a man who struggles to respect women's boundaries, to be "just like [them]."

Many of my friends ended up booting my ex-partner from their circles and blocking them upon learning of this behavior. There was a few that held onto hope they would change, and I do not blame them. They unfortunately continued to make things more public on Bluesky, by saying that "my ex" (read: me) is getting them kicked out of projects for no reason. I insisted that nobody should do anything on my own behalf, and only do what they feel comfortable with. They started spreading lies about me, claiming that I only used them for my own sexual purposes, that I never spent any time with them, that I was a manipulator and a liar. This all came to a head during June 1st. In servers we previously shared after our break up, they would be incredibly inactive until I began to become active. Then, they would participate in conversations and situations where I was, which initially drove me away out of fear. Eventually, I grew tired of this song and dance, and as they got kicked out of more spaces, I grew in confidence. This was no different in the final server we shared together, where both of us were moderators for. They were incredibly inactive until I started to become inactive, and there they would throw themselves into the conversation. This led to them venting in one of the vent channels of this particular server about how a female musician was being "rightfully" criticized for wearing a certain dress at a fashion show, saying how there were children there, and nobody wanted to see that. I asked for the dress, and upon them sending it... I found the perfect thing to call them out on their misogyny.

The dress was green, covered every private part. The only thing was that her nipples poked through the dress. The point of fashion shows is not only to display the outfits of the artists that made them, but to press societal norms. It's often meant to be thought-provoking, to make one question certain societal standards. This was no different, as this particular woman had participated in fashion shows just like this before wearing arguably "worse" dresses.

I said I thought they were misogynist, and this checked out due to not only their recent behavior, but their treatment of me. This led to... a very, very eye-opening conversation. Many people, especially trans women, joined the conversation to calmly and politely explain why what they were saying is misogynist. They said many horrible things, such as:

• Women (later corrected to "all genders") should cover up their chest/nipples
• For additional context, they never previously expressed disgust/upset regarding men showing their nipples or their nipples poking through their shirts
• Women ideally wouldn't have to, but should cover their chest to prevent "the worst possible thing that could happen to them" (see: rape)
• Why should everyone else (in the conversation, which primarily included trans women and I) get to determine if they're misogynist?
• "Don't act like you didn't want those" in response to me saying how they sent me nudes consistently despite me expressing my boundaries and not wanting them
• Alluding to calling me a pedophile for drawing a topless man in a webtoon

They were banned after that conversation. I felt so relieved to finally not only be believed, but to be correct in my hunch that they were a misogynist. I also felt a deep sadness, because they were not always like this. Something... happened to cause them to double, no, triple down on misogyny. I'm left to wonder if they were always this way, or something caused them to be like this. I've come to the conclusion there were hints of this, but... it only got worse in time.

The only reason I've forbidden myself from saying their name is not out of fear, though I cannot deny that is a small factor. It is because I truly, deeply hope they will look back at this and reconsider their own choices. Time and time again, despite insisting nobody talked to them about their issues with them, I've watched friend after friend tell them they weren't okay with their behavior, only to justify it and project it all onto me. They have a new partner now, who is also AFAB, and... I'm very worried for them, but it is not my battle to fight anymore. If they continue to prove a danger, I will name them. For now, I plead nobody contact this specific person or actively look for them over this. If you know who this is, you know, but... I want to offer the chance to change. I wasn't perfect in our relationship either, but I don't think that justifies the abuse I was dealt. It surely doesn't justify the misogyny.

Thank you for listening to my story. I wanted to talk about this much sooner, but due to concerns about my safety I could not. I'm in a much better place now and I am no longer afraid.