I'm 21 Now: A Short Retrospective

Posted on 2023/7/31

I'm officially twenty one now as of the 24th. Admittingly, I don't feel all that different, but I do at the same time. It's a strange feeling. I'm legally allowed to drink alcohol in the United States now, which is something. Though, I can't really see myself drinking all that much... I may have some Irish in me, but alcohol is something I'll likely stay away from due to personal reasons.

Aside from that, it's been... hm. I've been around for two decades and a year now. I've seen a lot in my time, despite being so young. People don't say your life starts until you're thirty, which I kind of agree with, but it feels like my life is just starting. I've been online since I was in the single digits, and most of the time I was just having fun and making things for no reason. Now, I've actually had a chance at putting my work online for more than just fun, but rather, for career purposes. It's still mainly for fun, but with career stuff as a bonus. I actually have things to show when it comes to my skills as an animator, a writer, a sprite artist (or artist in general), a programmer... and it's kind of wild to me. I even contributed four entire guest comics for Eddsworld, something I never really got into until I was twenty. From what I've been told, I'm also a pleasure to work with in team spaces, which I'm very happy for! Hopefully that builds up to me being hired for something in the future. We'll have to see.

I can't say much about this for certain reasons, but when I enrolled in college I was really excited for what that could mean for my career. Unfortunately, I was academically dismissed, and that really put a wrench into everything. I really don't know what to do with myself now... my goal was to graduate with a degree and get hired somewhere, preferably for storyboarding or animation. And now, uh, I'm. College-less. It was really devestating. I felt like all of that work I put into college, making sure I attended every class, completed what work I could despite taking longer than most students, and always putting in my best effort was just... for nothing. It really made me feel like a failure. Thankfully, my friends and family all reassured me that wasn't the case and understand how stressful it is. I'm glad to know that. Though, I still have my doubts and anxieties... I suppose that will never go away.

I wanted to write a post this month so I could keep up the trend of posting a journal at LEAST once a month, but when I thought about it, the only thing I could really talk about was... well, a retrospective of everything so far. And I suppose that's fitting, considering my birthday happened this month too.

I'm not sure where I am emotionally. Sometimes, I feel like I'm surrounded by support and love, but sometimes I feel really alone and ignored. It's a very mixed feeling... Hopefully things get better for me at least!

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